Latest: Election 2010 Super Duper Spindoku Buzzbomb Bingo Fest (April 29, 2010)

Rational human beings engaging with constitutional issues in a healthy democracy? Suits you sir. That is why we at the Chronicle aim to hitch a ride on the back of this historical first Facebook Election and bring you a superconcentrated mashbash of data word frequency analysis, semi-weighted and velocity-senstive to bells and curves and swing and spin. And the roar of the baying mob. The issues. Now. Read. Ingest. Gargle. Squeak. And continue, satiated, with your lives.

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Updated hourly (not really)

I've got the brains, you've got the looks, let's make £0.000012 after tax (April 15, 2010)

Information is Beautiful. The irrepressible Mr McCandless excels himself with a study of how you can expect to scratch a pauper's pittance in the bright new digital future of the "Music Business" (Music. Business. The clue might be in there somewhere). Those with a Pie allergy, turn away now. Those for whom pies provoke slobbery shudders of delight, leave the terrifying saucer-eyed culinatrix Miss Dahl alone for a second and go and just check out these pies. Burn your own CD? A titchy little pie within tangible munching distance. Oh No, What's this? A monstrous eclipse of Saturn-sized Spotify pie full of streaming playlisty webby-airtime for your latest smash hit/avant-garde soundscape - pfeh - from which you get nay a nibble of stale crust. Be gone, Pie-tormentors. Today's news is missing its obligatory redtop pun. Tartiflette's Go Crazy! Boom-tish, that's better.

Beer and Self Loathing (January 20, 2010)

Like a flying jawbone turning into a spaceship, we jump from the ancient to the modern, with a little beauty from 2009

An Oldie but Goldie (January 19, 2010)

Partly to atone for The Stanley Chronicle's failure to publish in recent months, but also because we couldn't resist shaming Baz into losing a bit of weight now that it's January; here is a leaner, if not meaner Stanleys from the Year of Arnold nineteen eighty...six. Seven. No. Hang on, a bloody long time ago, anyway. This is the band ACTUALLY RECORDING their legendary megaselling smash "Terrible Truths". That's right, you are witnessing a legend in the making. No stroking of chins and lounging around a mixing desk in them days, oh no.

Tonight's Television (November 23, 2009)

Why do you Think You're Dr Who? (BBC1 21:00)
Veteran thespian Malcolm de Vespertine waves his scarf along a series of wobbly white corridors in search of his timelord forebears. Accounts of the slums of 18th Century Gallifrey prove too much for our stiff-upper-lipped board-treading titan. Sob! Ratings! Licence Fee! Ker-ching!

Fall Down a Hole (ITV1 18:00)
Saturday Evenings will never be the same again. Who's had the sorriest tabloid media mauling this week? Over-earning spouse-bashing footie trogs? Expenses-squirreling-slime-oozing elected representatives of the people? Breakfast-shunning thighbone-protruding noseless catwalk brats? Did they deserve it? You bet they did! What shall we do with 'em? (everybody!) Throw 'em down a hole! In a TV first, You - yes, you - the viewer, can participate in our groundbreaking justice experiment by pressing the red button at our shrill behest. Next up, "Nasty" Norman (© The Sun) Benton from Northampton, who had his hands in his pockets when interviewed about OUR BRAVE BOYS. They're fighting for you, Norman Numbnuts, the nation gapes in barely-contained latent fury at your crime. Viewers' Poll? Bring on the Hole!

Spo (BBC3 22:00)
The entire inner circle of MI5 get run over by a combine harvester before the opening titles have finished. Press the Red button for The making of Spo following the programme.
Spo Series 43 is available on DVD in a 1-disc set, padded out with Hermione Norris reading the Shipping Forecast. Dogger. Light-westerly.

It's in B Flat you know (September 1, 2009)
Is it? Is it really? Press the clips and find out. Who needs to learn the trombone or the glockenspiel any more when you can get little people in boxes to play for your pleasure? Clap clap, away with these jesters, Wolsey, have the Welsh insurgents retreated? And what news of Queen Beyoncé?

Super Mario: Upward Mobility and the Working-Class Hero (July 1, 2009)

Those loonies at PopMatters truly rock the party and take us on a journey into the American Dream, taking in Faulkner, Emerson, Medieval Romance, the Protestant Work Ethic, and their ultimate manifestation in the pan-Global cultural totem of Donkey Kong. You think we're joking. But we're not. Talking of which, did anyone else out there make the leap between Bruce Springsteen's histrionics at Glastonbury the other day and the plucky little pixelated health &safety-shunning come-to-do-your-plumbing blue-collar Dyno-Rod dynamo? No? Oh, it was just us then. Next Week: Camille Paglia on the legacy of 3D Ant Attack. (What the f*** is 3D Ant Attack?)

Talking Heads, 14th June (May 22, 2009)

Talking Heads Talking Heads Talking Heads.. Sing along now. Talking Heads Talking Heads Talking He-ads; Talking Heads Talking Heads Talking Heads...Talking Heeee-aads Tal - king Heads. Yes, indeed. For that is the sainted location in Southampton (Hampshire, in the U of K) for the most talked about comeback since George Clooney turned up again in the Queen Vic to give Ricky a good talking to. The occasion of Mark Davis' many happy returns marks the equally happy return of no less than those four oarsmen of the indiepocalypse, ACCRINGTON STANLEY. The date? SUNDAY the 14th of JUNE. 2009! Use the online check-in facility on Facebook so they don't scan your retinas at the door! Ladies and Gentlemen, it's time to STANLEY!

Excuse me Constable is this the way to Buckingham Palace (May 20, 2009)

Bang it on a big bass drummm (BOOF)! Oi What a picture, What a picture Rum tiddley um pum pum pum pum - Stick it in yer family.... you're nicked.

"Imagine a three-inch Lawrence Of Arabia..." (May 19, 2009)

Eh? In 1979 the stage was set for a seismic cultural revolution, in which we would all become slaves to radical free market me-generation bubblethink. Also, a little music player was launched. Ever velcro-ed to thezeitgeist, the Daily Mail brings you THE GADGET THAT HELPED BREAK BRITAIN. Eh? Teenagers! Gahhh!
Next Week: Ceefax - the Silent Killer.