Disclaimer

http://www.accrington-stanley.com is the website of Accrington Stanley. These are the terms and conditions (the "Terms") that Accrington Stanley applies to the content available at http://www.accrington-stanley.com (the "Website").

Please read these Terms before using the Website. By using this Website you agree to be bound by these Terms and Conditions. If you do not agree to be bound by these Terms and Conditions please do not use this Website. If you are dissatisfied with the Website, the Terms or any of the Content your sole remedy is to discontinue use of the Website. See if we care.

The material contained within this site is meant to be a giggle. No disrespect is intended to persons, living, dead or otherwise indisposed. Accrington Stanley provides no warranties as to the quality, accuracy or fitness for any particular purpose of information or Content found on this Website. While this website provides factual material and news relating to the band Accrington Stanley, customers and users are asked not to extend the notion of factual, political, statistical correctness, be it stated directly, reported in the third persion or othersise published, to the utterly daft and fictional news material posted herein. I mean It's the internet isn't it. Not the truth. Plus we live in a hyperreal age at the edge of history, or that's what a nice lady told me the other day. She was quite attractive so I believed her.

Material posted on this website is satirical and fictional. The use of the titles of published works, persons living or dead, or other third party material, is justified in the context of it being very very silly indeed and in the greater good of Mankind to provoke a laugh, albeit a snickering, nerdy cackle rather than a full-out bellowing rolling around on the floor honking-up-your-breakfast-sort of laugh. If for instance, you happen to be multi-platinum Grammy winning singer songwriter Carole King, be assured that in no way did we ever mean it to be understood that you have ever done anything so horrid as eaten, or in any other way thereinsoforth caused distress to a domestic pet of any shape or size. It wouldn't make you feel like a natural woman for a start, would it, so it just doesn't make sense. Oh, and Accrington Stanley have never invented anything, ever. Happy Now? Sheesh. And if your name is Apsley Heapshanks or Irwin Jerkburglar, you're in a bad way anyway. Litigation won't help you now.

In order to continuously improve the quality of the Website we reserve the right to modify these Terms from time to time at our sole discretion. Your continued use of the Website thereafter will constitute acceptance of such changes. You understand that Accrington Stanley reserves the right to suspend, terminate access to the Website or to remove any Content contained within the Website for any reason at any time. I mean, we're unlikely to and all that, but as long as you know.

You acknowledge and agree that use of the Website is at your sole risk. The Website and the Content are provided on an "as is" and "as available" basis. To the maximum extent permitted by law Accrington Stanley expressly disclaims all implied warranties, conditions or other terms not expressed in these Terms. In no event will Accrington Stanley be liable to you or any third party for any direct, special, indirect, consequential or incidental damages resulting from your use of or your inability to use the Website and/or any Content or for the cost or procurement of substitute goods and/or services purchased or obtained or transactions entered into through the Website or resulting from unauthorised access to user's data. The above terms do not affect your statutory rights.

Other stuff. You'll notice that we now sell stuff from this site. You pay on PayPal and we ship to you. We aim to provide satisfaction, end of story. Returns, refunds, and the like are dealt with on a per-case basis. Just contact us with enquiries and we will endeavour to be cool with you in all matters. Damage to products in transit we can talk about and sort things out. Subjective opinions about wrong notes, choice of drum sounds or things like that as a basis for wanting your dosh back are pushing it a bit, though.

Copyright stuff. We shove little images next to the exclusive blog items.If you truly own the original picture and this makes you madder than a drugged bat in a boobtube, we will cease and desist if you ask us nicely. Remember that we make no financial gain from the utter rot that passes for our news stories, and it's stretching matters a bit to think that we're passing off grainy thumbnails of celebrities as our own works of art. Our "Moral Rights" radar is a keen one, or so we believe. So for example we ditched those pictures of Fern Britton on the beach, out of respect. We're a nice lot on the whole and mean no harm.

Oh, and "Bacongate" is a one-word gag. The Stanley Chronicle does not condone loutishness, naughtiness or insubordination in the presence of our superiors, nor do we really mean to tar the benevolent authorities with said stigmatising insinuations. Much.

Please do not use this web site in the shower or near a running source of water at any time.

Notwithstanding the shallow and puerile nature of the content and/ or third party opinions expressed herein, this web site is not to be consumed as confectionery. If swallowed, seek advice.

Please do not use this web site while driving or making improvements to your home.

Defrauding the international financial markets or invading a foreign power while using the web site is not strictly advised.

Citing the negative influence of accrington-stanley.com as a plea for diminished responsibility will not constitute a defence case in a court of law.

Accessibility Statment. This web site is due for an upgrade in order that dead cows with no heads can use it. It is likely to comply with some standards and guildelines, yet strangely not with others. Much like real life, it sits with its unfashionable hat tilted rakishly at the complexity of the modern world. But it can spin a card trick to win favour with a troublesome native and can darn its own socks. You'll miss him when he's gone you know.

So it is. Hey baby let's go. Back to the home page>>